FREE: DVD Movie "Python" Made in 2002

John and Greg get into a rather silly fight over Kristin. After knocking the stuffing out of each other on a children's playground (don't ask), they make up. John, Kristin, and their friends Tommy and Theresa, go up to a cabin near the lake. The snake, of course, follows. It enters Tommy and Theresa's cabin and attacks Theresa in the shower. Taking the time to put a towel on (damn!), she fights the gazillion-foot snake off with a rubber ducky and some shampoo (she was trying to injure its eyes, unfortunately, it was a no-tears formula). She calls Tommy to help and escapes the snake's clutches, though Tommy is killed in the process.

Theresa jumps into her truck (still in nothing but a towel) and drives off, the python right behind her. It eventually crashes her vehicle, though she is uninjured and runs. Right about here you're thinking "Man, that towel sure stays on good!" It's probably stapled. The python has her trapped between some rocks when John and Kristin arrive. They get the snake's attention, drawing him away from Theresa. He attacks their jeep and so they get on their bikes and outrun a fifty mile per hour snake! They meet up Dr. Rudolph in Agent Parker's base and Theresa also arrives. She replaces the towel with more decent clothing while they come up with a plan to trap the snake in the base and blow it up. Greg shows up and they get the snake inside and Theresa presses the detonator, but nothing happens. The detonator was knocked loose when the snake entered the base, or some nonsense, considering the detonator wasn't anywhere near where the snake was supposed to be. Dr. Rudolph, trying to make amends for creating the thing, goes in. Just as he is about to fix the detonator the snake shows up and prepares to snack. Nevertheless, he fixes the device and the whole base goes up in flames.

Dr. Rudolph's sacrifice is meaningless, as the unscathed snake exits the base and charges our heroes. They lure it to Johnny's plating plant and finally kill it by pressing its midsection into a tub of boiling acid. Six months later, the acid plant is refurbished into a sports bar / bike shop. Greg becomes an officer of the FBI, Kristin gets pregnant with Johnny's child, and Theresa is a waitress at the bear wearing a shirt that reads "I killed a giant python and all I got was this stupid t-shirt."

The ending was kind of a bummer. No, I was glad it was over, but I was kinda hoping there would be one of those things at the end where they'd show a new giant snake emerging from the lake or something like that. Like at the end of Lake Placid or TriStar's Godzilla. A movie with a "They're baaack..." ending.

The best character is the snake and the best human character is Dr. Rudolph, mainly because Englund is the only person in this movie who can act. This is the only movie that has made me say "This is MESSED up!" and mean it. It's funny, but it's obvious that it wasn't supposed to be. Unless you like movies that are so bad they're painful, you're sure to enjoy Python. Otherwise, please avoid it at all costs. You won't be missing anything.